Perception

An event today helped me put a few things into perspective.

I do not have any real trials in my life.

I realize this now.

At least not compared to my student who came today to me today. Imagine living with a physical disability which limits your height, leaves you with subtle differences in your facial features to those of your peers, and lower cognitive ability. You are prone to be quick to anger and are working so hard each day to build your social skills and tame your anger. You think you are friends with a girl and then someone informs you that she thinks you are creepy. And to top it off your father, who you have always looked up to, suffers from MS and now has to use a walker to be able to walk. Your parents are divorced and DO NOT get a long. As my student confided in me with tears running down his face I realized I do not know what trouble is. I am so blessed. I have known this student since I moved back to PR. I have watched him grow and struggle. What an example he is to me.

May I always remember my blessings.

It's that Time of Year Again

You get what you need when you need it...

This last week has been a hard one for me. There have been a few incidences at work that have left me with a strong urge to, well, um quit. Mostly they involve a parent of one of my students and the student. I can honestly say that I have put the student and what is best for them first at all times this year but the parent and the student do not agree. I have a past history with this parent as I taught this student for 4 years. In conversation, she quickly becomes upset and begins to belittle, be condescending, rude and use four letter words. As she tends to become very personal, I will admit my feelings get hurt. And I am also a little scared of her because about 3 1/2 years ago she called my superintendent and accused me falsely of some horrible things. I had to defend myself and my principal and vice principal had to get involved. All while I was pregnant. Yeah, lots of tears and ice cream. I had hoped to get through the year with only one confrontation and since we had one in November I was hoping for a good year. Yeah, nope. By the time she was through with me on Monday I was sure I didn't know how to do my job. (Doesn't help that I don't usually work Mondays and was a little resentful to be called in to work for the day.) Tuesday didn't get any better. Second phone call, worse than the first, at 9:15 am. Afterwards I walked into my office and cried. One of the student support staff (SSA) let herself into my office and gave me a hug. She had listened to my side of the conversation and was able to tell that it hadn't been a pretty conversation. She said some very nice things, bolstered me up so that I could face the rest of the day. As Emily ran in to my room with my mom and Collin, at lunchtime, I realized that the Lord was giving me the boost to make it through the day. Emily ran in, told me she loved me, gave me a hug and kiss, then asked where the blocks were. I really do love her. My mom and Landon (when he arrived to pick up the kids) sat and listened as I cried and told them about my morning. Minutes after they left one of my students became angry when I told him he wasn't allowed to punch another student, even though they are friends and were "just playing." He came unglued on me (which is a little scary since he is 6' 3" and quite strong.) He started swearing at me but sat in the chair I had directed him to. He wouldn't follow the behaviour plan though so I had to go and get the vice principal. He pushed his chair over but did go to the office. Once he had calmed down he came back and apologized. I was drained. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and never wake up. All I could think about was how I was failing to accomplish what my mandate was. Programs haven't been written. There are days that I barely keep my head above the water. My poor children and husband. I was not good company Tuesday night. Then came Wednesday. I was drained. The day went well until the plan put in place for this student (with the crazy mother) fell apart. So I ended up in with the vice principal trying to problem solve again. Decision was made to have a meeting with the mom next week. (I won't even talk about how that is making me feel.) The vice principal is going to run the meeting but still.... I asked if maybe I could be present over a teleconference. Nope. I was looking forward to going home but nope, staff meeting. I wanted to scream. Then I realized it wasn't really a staff meeting. It was a goodbye party for three staff members who were leaving. One to another school district, one is going home to Australia, and the other was retiring. The person retiring was the SSA who had comforted me. She has had my back all year. Helpful and caring to everyone. I am really going to miss her. As I stood against the wall, really not feeling apart of anything and wanting to be home, Lorraine stood to give her farewell "speech." She talked about the last 29 years that she has worked in the school system, assisting students with special needs. She talked about all the people she had me. And then she turned to me. She thanked me for coming to Brooks and making her last semester here great. She told everyone in the room how lucky they all were because of the energy, enthusiasm and ideas I brought to our staff. I bawled. A lot. Afterwards at least 3 staff came to let me know that they appreciated me. I was so humbled. I realized that when we are at our lowest of lows, the Lord is always there for us. He knows what we need. I am grateful to those people who followed the prompting and have literally changed my life. I know that no matter what is thrown at me, by people who don't think that I am doing enough, that there are people that believe that I am.

**The reason I changed the colour scheme on my blog to this bright colour with flowers is because I think at this time of year we all need a colour pick me up. January needs a little more colour.**

Oh No

I put Collin in time out for biting his sister and this is what I came back to find. (He was in time out for the time it took me to walk out of the room and get the camera and come back. Not even a minute.)


I think it is time to lower the bassinet.

Look at those Chompers! Due to his new found love of biting his nickname has been changed to Chunky Chompers! (Instead of Chunky Monkey)

New Years Eve

We had a family New Years Get together at Matt and Ashley's house. Ashley was actually out of town until 8:30pm when she came home on the last ferry. She was very nice to let us all crash at her house. My mom made a fantastic dinner and Matt provided the movie, The Blind Side for our viewing entertainment. Fanatstic movie! Afterwards we sat, talked and watched some Corner Gas. (Hilarious Canadian comedy, which I had never seen until that day when there was a marathon on TV.) Lots of laugh and fun. Landon wasn't feeling very well but he was a good sport and came down for the countdown to midnight. The kids played really well together. Ethan and Sariah went to bed at 10pm like good kids. Mine passed out at 11:45pm. Of course. :) I provided the New Years bubbly and the snacks to help us make it to midnight. (Mmm artichoke dip) Here are some fun pictures from the night.

Collin jumping on Ethan's horse


Everyone minus Pablo and the kids (I love how Ashley and Steve are sitting in Ethan and Sariah's cute chairs)


Emily at Midnight


Collin at Midnight


Ethan and Sariah at Midnight

Walking? Already?

This was Collin on New Year's Eve. Not full on walking but still, WHAT!!!! I'm not ready! I love how Pablo is racing Collin.

Sewing, Anyone???

I LOVE the tutorial found here for this skirt. I am considering making Emily and I matching skirts. What do you think?

My Hair Style!

(Collin has just grabbed Emily's hair and pulled out a handful.)
Emily: "Coyin, let go my hair style!"

Too cute!

FYI Emily lays her head down where Collin can grab her hair.

I met up with a friend from high school this week, Amber Kenmuir, to catch up on all that has happened in the almost two years since we've seen each other. The first question she asked caught me off guard. She asked if I felt any different now that I was a mom. I quickly answered that the weird part is that I didn't feel any differently. Actually there are plenty of time I feel like it isn't even real. I know that I carried both my children for full term pregnancies, delivered them but still it is surreal that I am a mom. The only time I really feel different is when they are sick or hurt. It is gut wrenching to watch your child sick or hurt and you are powerless to help them. Sure I can give out doses of tylenol and ask for priesthood blessings on their behalf but not the pain and discomfort. I worry that they might get sicker and what if I lose them. I ache for every mother that I know and don't know personally who has lost a child. At those moments I would literally give anything to take away their pain. I love being a mom. I wouldn't change it for the world. It has changed the direction in my life from one of selfishness to one of selflessness. I have a better understanding of the love my Heavenly Father and my elder brother Jesus Christ have for each of us. There are many days that the word "mom" coming from my daughter's mouth makes me cringe because I just want five minutes to myself. But out of all the jobs that I do and everything I have done so far in my life the title of Mom is what I hope defines me most of all.

Out of the Running Already

Every New Year, since Emily has been born, I have promised myself that this year I will try and be a better mom. At work we laugh about how long we think we will stay in the running for the Mother of the Year award. I want to announce that I am officially out of the running and the first day of the New Year hasn't finished.

These are the facts: Collin is just slightly obsessed with a picture on our computer desktop. He likes to sit and "chat" at the picture. I was trying to do something else so decided to occupy his attention letting him have his chat. I pushed the chair up close and was stuff pillows and blankets to fill up the space up to the computer desk. As I was grabbing the last pillow to make it as safe as possible Collin launched himself at the screen, totally missing the desk... with his hands but not his face. I pick him up put him against my shoulder to soothe him only to pull him away and see blood all over the shoulder of my white USU shirt. (Which by the way is the same shirt Emily bled all over last Christmas when she did a face plant at my in laws house.) The bleeding stopped but I bet he will have a nice fat lip in the next few hours. Yep, I am totally out of the running.

Here is the picture that robs my son of all his common sense:


Can you blame him? They are pretty darn cute girls. I think its time to change the picture. I'll just print it off to him, laminate it and let him carry it around with him all day. Is that what they call supporting a habit??